A friend used to tell me that I would look back and laugh at the thought that I cried over a boy and the failed relationship that we had. She could never have been more right.

A trip to splitsville is worse than being on death row. Indeed, losing a special relationship is like meeting death in the flesh. Along with the intense pain, people involved in break-ups have to live with the empty promises, shattered dreams, and false hopes. Grieving over the loss is not the only thing they have to go through. Some blame themselves for whatever problems the relationship had. People should keep in mind that while all these emotions are normal, they don’t last forever. 

1. The mourning after - leaving with grace

Just because you don’t have a date doesn’t mean weekends are stay-home-and-watch-reruns- days. By all means, you go out and have fun. And just because you’re just been through a difficult break-up doesn’t mean that you have to look it either. Do yourself a favor by looking your best when you go out.

Going out looking like a slob is like wearing a sign that screams “my lover just dumped me”. And unless you want to send out that message, do more than look at yourself in the mirror. Your opinion of looking good can be very subjective at this point, so you’re better off asking someone about how you truly look.

Whether we like to admit it or not, the best way to sincerely bid a relationship goodbye is to feel good about ourselves. And what better way to raise our level of confidence than by being aesthetically pleasing to the eyes of others?

2. Turn off that radio

How is it that most love songs seem to be written specially for you? No matter how often you changed that dial, you’ll always be serenaded with tunes that will either make you weep, or take you into oblivion.

If you insist on listening to music, forget ballads and slow stuff. Even if rap and trance make your head spin, it’s time to get acquainted with them. They don’t promise to remove the memories of your past relationship from your mind, but at least, they won’t help you remember them.

Romantic flicks will only give you a heart attack. So unless you want to die at a young age, go for the silly movies. It may take more facial expressions from Rowan Atkinson to make you laugh, but it’s better than watching “When a Man Loves a Woman”, “Notting Hill”, or “Sleepless in Seattle”. Or better yet, tune in to the sports channel. A boxing match may just save the day.

3. Ties that bind

Personally, I wouldn’t have gotten over a failed relationship that fast if I was continuously seeing my ex boyfriend even after we said our goodbyes.

If you think that you can relive your romance, and swapping DVD’s is a good chance to make it happen, you are not being fair to yourself.

Let’s face it, people who are not entirely ready to see their loves go, will do everything to keep an open line of communication between themselves and their partners. From lame phone callers to scary stalkers, anything, just to keep that “connection”.

So before you end up in jail, tell your partner the moment he leaves that it would be easier for both of you to live better lives if you won’t see or talk to each other until you both are ready for the friendship. Frequent meetings would only let you expect unreasonable things from the other. And in the absence of commitment, frustrations and depression are bound to set in.

4. Funeral rites

What better way to end things than through funeral rites? I don’t mean burying your partner six feet under just because he ran off with another girl. However, farewell rituals put some kind of a firm finality to the relationship.

Some people hold on to love letters, gifts, photos, and other memorable stuff shared with an old lover. What’s the point? Certainly, your being a pack rat doesn’t have anything to do with it. The faster you can get over him, the better. And what better way to throw him out of your life than burning his letters, photos, and gifts? I don’t mean this to be done in a barbaric fashion. You can do it in a typical funeral ritual, with prayers, candles, wails, and all.

5. Learn your potentials

Who ever thought you could actually dance? Or cook? Or sing? This is the right time to learn what you are capable of doing. Enroll in that judo class you have been meaning to go to. Learn new crafts. And aim for that promotion at work.

Sometimes, we have to figure in a bad circumstance before we can realize what our potentials are. Some people who are in rocky relationships may be trying too hard to save the commitment that they want to stick to what their partners want them to be. They’d rather forego any personal wants in the hope that all issues in the relationship are resolved.

Also, you can get yourself a pet. Your love for dogs may have been put on hold because your partner is allergic to them. Pets are good companions, and very loyal as well.

6. Spoil yourself

If you have been spending every month’s salary spoiling your partner with expensive surprise presents, this is the time to splurge on the things that you haven’t bought yourself for years.

Shop, shop, and shop some more. Buy the Armani dress that costs about a month’s rent. Collect perfumes, trade-in your piece of junk to the latest Porsche model, buy a pair of diamond earrings, and go on a trip to Bali.

After all these, you won’t have time to think about your past relationship. Your mounting credit card bills will now be the focus of your attention. Who says it’s cheap to get over someone?

7. Count your blessings

No matter how dark the skies can get, there will always be time for sunshine. Look around you, and take a closer look at the things that you have been so busy ignoring. Even if you have just gone through an unsuccessful relationship, there’s still a lot to be thankful for.

Your job, health, family, and friends are all reasons enough to be happy. So take the frown off your face and be glad that you have a lot to live for.

8. Get a makeover

Pamper yourself. Get a new hairstyle. A skinhead and Mohawk hairdo spells D-E-S-P-E-R-A-T-E. Be sure to settle for a subtler style. If you need to dye your hair, please avoid loud colors that would make you look like a punk princess. Unless you’re in a punk or rock n’ roll band, pink and purple dyes are out of the question.

A makeover doesn’t really mean that you totally change your identity. If you are not running away from a stalker, a new name and a complete disguise is not at all necessary. Just do light changes that will make you look and feel better. Otherwise, not only will you feel strange inside your body, but you are nowhere near the road to recovery as well.